Quick Announcement: I came across the German cover art for Snow Queen’s Shadow yesterday. Click the thumbnail to check that out.

Quick Thanks: My Fantasy Poses post has now been viewed well over 100,000 times, which is awesome. But I’ve noticed that as this continues to spread, I’m seeing a larger number of comments that … well, let’s just say I sometimes take for granted the mostly thoughtful, respectful, and fun comments and discussions from people here on the blog. Glancing at these other sites has been a reminder to 1) STOP READING COMMENTS ON UNMODERATED SITES! and 2) thank everyone here for being generally excellent people.

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It always feels weird to talk about money. Partly this is because we’re taught not to do so. It also feels uncomfortably like boasting. I know a lot of people are struggling right now, and the last thing I want to do is rub their noses in the fact that I had a good year.

At the same time, there are so many misconceptions about writers and how much they make… I continue to run into people who assume I’m rich because I’ve got some books out, people who expect me to live in a mansion with solid gold robokittens and nuclear powered toothbrushes and so on. And I think it’s important to bust some of the myths about writing and writers.

I’ll put this behind a cut tag. If you’re interested, then read on…

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

This weekend I had the honor of being Toastmaster at ConFusion. This was one of my best convention experiences ever … and in a few days, I’ll be able to focus on what an epic time I had. But first I need to get through what I think of as my post-con neurotic phase.

I’ve talked before about being an introvert. When I do a convention, it’s in some ways a performance. That doesn’t mean there’s anything deceptive or dishonest, but I’m basically playing Jim C. Hines, Extroverted Author. It’s a great deal of fun, but it also uses up a fair amount of energy. One thing I’ve noticed is that it requires me to turn down some of my internal filters and censors.

And that’s what leads to comments like the one I made during opening ceremonies where I introduced one guest who had been attending since about 1980, and remarked, “Wow … I was only six years old.” Now here’s a peek inside Jim’s brain:

Wait, why did I say that? That wasn’t in my script of jokes. I was trying to point out that this person has a great history with the con, but I basically announced, “Hey, they’re old!” That’s kind of a dickish thing to say. Have I just alienated our guest of honor or made them uncomfortable? What the hell, man?

This sort of thing doesn’t usually bother me too much while I’m at the con and “on.” It’s afterward, when I’m overtired and heading back to the real world, that it starts to get to me. I think back to Sunday afternoon when Sarah Zettel asked me to strike a pose, so of course I showed off the belly and gave my best hip-thrusting pose as I left the panel … which sent a familiar cramp of pain up the back muscles, eliciting a shout of, “Son of a bitch, that hurt!”

Why did I say that? I excised the word “bitch” from my vocabulary more than a decade ago! And it didn’t even hurt that bad; just a tight muscle from sitting in panel chairs all day. Way to go, Jim — you’ve just convinced those people who said you were out of shape that they’re right, because you can’t even do one little hip-thrust without whining about it.

There were a few other such instances. They get stuck in my head for several days after the con, the little things that I’m 99% certain nobody else noticed or really cared about. Sure, I flubbed a joke in opening ceremonies, but overall I had a great deal of fun introducing our line-up of awesome guests, and all of the feedback I received afterward was positive.

I really did have an incredibly good time. I’ll try to do a more traditional write-up, by the end of which you’ll all be rather jealous. There was the author D&D game, the dessert reception, my guest star role on Tom Smith’s Rocky Horror Muppet Show … I had an absolute blast.

But after almost a decade of conventions, I also know that I overthink. I borderline obsess. And then, once I’ve caught up on sleep and gotten back to my real life, I get over it. But that day or two of post-con obsession is annoying. And I’m a little curious if I’m the only one who does this…

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

My kids got the Smurfs movie for Christmas this year, and we watched it over the weekend. This was not as painful an experience as some of you might expect. Azrael the cat was entertaining, Hank Azaria does a decently cartoonish Gargamel, and I’m rather fond of Neil Patrick Harris.

This wasn’t a great movie, but it wasn’t as painful as some of the “let’s-cash-in-on-80s-nostalgia-with-a-live-action-cartoon-flick!” films.

But when you get down to it, this film is a tragedy that doesn’t know it’s a tragedy.

At one point, the humans are asking the Smurfs about their names, questions like “Are you named when you’re born and that determines your personality, or do they wait until you display a noteworthy trait then name you after that trait?” The Smurfs brushed it off.

Later, Grace asks Smurfette about her origins, and about being the only female in the entire village. Once again, this doesn’t really go anywhere. (Smurfette gets to buy a new dress, and says how nice it is to have a girlfriend at the end of the film, but that’s it … and of course, she immediately has to leave her only female friend!) See also: The Problem with Smurfs.

These are great questions. Powerful questions. Is a Smurf limited by his (or her) name? Can a Smurf ever move beyond the narrow definition of that one limiting trait? The movie starts to go there with Clumsy Smurf, showing his dreams of becoming a Hero and giving him a randomly impressive drum solo … but there’s no true follow-through. At the end of the movie, despite his accomplishments, he’s will always be Clumsy Smurf.

And that’s why the Smurfs are tragic figures. They’re trapped as one-dimensional characters in a 3D film, and the worst part is that they know it. Smurfette knows she’s alone. Clumsy yearns to be different. The Smurfs do occasionally try to move beyond the confines of their names — Grouchy gets sentimental with a green M&M, Clumsy has one heroic moment at the end — but then they’re yanked back from the brink of freedom.

Imagine what that must feel like, to be forced into a single role at birth, a role that not only defines what you’ll do for the rest of your life, but what you’ll be. Trapped. Unchanging. Your name is a black hole, and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never escape its pull. And then to see in humans a freedom that you yourself will never know.

That’s the true dystopian horror of the Smurfs.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Wow. I can’t give precise numbers since I don’t have a way of tracking things like LiveJournal and RSS feed hits, but Wednesday’s post about trying to pose like fantasy cover heroines has now been viewed by more than 45,000 people, which is gratifying to say the least.

It’s been a little overwhelming. Thank you to everyone for your responses, and welcome to all of the new folks. The absolute best part of this week has been seeing so many great discussions starting up.

I did my best to keep up with comments, e-mail, Twitter, etc. I failed. At this point, I figured it would be easier to respond to some of the more frequent comments here, and also share some of the great links people have posted.

How’s your back?

I was fine after a decent night’s sleep. Thanks for asking!

Those poses would be easier if you were more flexible/a martial artist/a dancer.

I am not a dancer, but I’ve seen dancers do amazing things with their bodies, and I have no doubt that training would make it easier to match the poses.

That said, I earned a black belt in one martial art when I was younger, and last year received my promotion form for black belt in a second style. I also consider myself fairly flexible. So to the commenter who said the pics are meaningless because obviously an unfit older guy couldn’t do this stuff, I bite my thumb at thee.

Those poses would be easier if you were a woman.

I have no way of testing/verifying this directly, but I suspect there might be some truth here. Some of this might be due to anatomical differences; some is likely due to the fact that males and females are taught/encouraged to stand and move differently. That said, “easier” is not the same as “easy,” and judging from the comments, many (but not all) of the women who tried to mimic the poses found them difficult or unachievable.

This is silly. Who cares?

I do. And hey, what do you know? It’s my blog, so I get to write about whatever the heck I want. Sweet!

You have a pager!

That’s an insulin pump.

You have an insulin pump!

Go Team Diabetes!

You should do more of these/You should do [NAME OF BOOK]!

I might, ’cause it was kind of fun, but I think the original post has made its point pretty well.

My eyes, my eyes! Pass the brain bleach!

Bite me. (I know these comments were generally meant in fun, and I’m not actually upset or offended. Although I find it interesting that these “horrified” responses, even in jest, came almost universally from men…)

Hey, you’re kinda sexy!

Thank you.

The covers you’re mocking are much more interesting than the ones you posted at the end as examples of strong, capable female characters.

Not to me.

I spewed coffee/tea/prune juice all over my keyboard!

The owner of this website is not responsible for any keyboard damage incurred during the reading of this blog.

Links:

• Escher Girls - female characters in impossible/ridiculous poses. (I’m flattered to see she’s posted a pic of me with a link to my post. Recursive internet is recursive.)
• Dressed to Kill - a post illustrating male comic book heroes drawn and posed the way females usually are.
• Fantasy Armor and Lady Bits - an armorer discussing the various problems with most depictions of women in fantasy “armor.” (See also Women Fighters in Reasonable Armor.)
• Men-ups - men photographed in stereotypically female pin-up poses. (Full photoset is on Flickr here.)
• If Male Superheroes Posed like Wonder Woman - I think the title sums this one up nicely.
• Men’s Versus Women’s Poses - LJ user ocelott tries both male and female cover poses, and highlights the differences between the two. (I definitely recommend reading this one - she’s able to capture and point out some things I couldn’t with my photoset.)

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

It’s award time again, and author Catherine Schaff-Stump has written a lovely post titled Why I’m Nominating Jim Hines for the Best Fan Writer Hugo (and why you should too). I am truly flattered, and I think you should go read her post right now.

Hugo nominations are open to attending or supporting members of Worldcon in 2011, 2012 or 2013. My eligibility this year includes:

Best Fan Writer (for the blog)

Best Novel (for The Snow Queen’s Shadow)

Best Short Story

• “In the Line of Duty” from Zombiesque (Undead FBI agent vs. bioterrorists, which did not in any way start out as zombie Criminal Minds fanfic)
• “The Blue Corpse Corps” from When the Hero Comes Home (Goblins vs. zombies)
• “Epilogue” from Human for a Day (Slightly surreal piece about living stories. Yes, this one also includes zombies.)

If you’ll be voting for Hugos or Nebulas this year and want to read something of mine, just let me know.

Mary Robinette Kowal has a good post about self-promotion and some of the ways we try to approach it without coming off as self-absorbed and egotistical. The problem is that a fair number of us, myself most definitely included, are both egotistical and rather self-absorbed.

I.e., we’re writers.

My solution is to turn it over to the goblins, because they’re much more entertaining about this stuff…

	Vote for me or I’ll eat you.
	Why don’t we try to keep things positive this time? We could start by recognizing some of the wonderful books and stories that were published last year–
	John Scalzi e-mailed me personally to say his rabbit chewed up his trophy shelf, causing massive structural damage. The animals are safe, but the weight of another Hugo award could destroy his entire house! For the sake of the bunny, DON’T VOTE FOR JOHN SCALZI.
	There’s something seriously wrong with you.
	Tobias Buckell is eligible in a number of categories, including Best Related Work for Nascence, a collection of FAILED stories! If you’re going to vote for failure, vote goblin instead … wait, that came out wrong.
	Do you have any idea how many people are eligible for these things? Are you going to sling mud at them all?
	It’s the American way! John J. Adams claims to be the editor of Lightspeed magazine, but when pressed, he admitted he only edits at about Mach 3. Seanan McGuire is actually a team of hyperintelligent typing velociraptors who want to eat your puppy. Jennifer Brozek edited your mom. Cat Valente isn’t even a real cat! Lynne Thomas picks her nose with a sonic screwdriver.
	I think you used that last one in 2011.
	Shut up! Alma Alexander sparkles in sunlight! Elizabeth Bear had Snoopy fixed! Shweta Narayan had an illicit affair with R2D2! Aliette de Bodard is the 8th horcrux! Neil Clarke cancelled Firefly! N. K. Jemisin writes Veggietales/Mario Brothers porn!
	Jemisin didn’t even write a post listing her eligible work!
	Yeah, but she’s a really good writer. It’s preemptive mudslinging. Laura Anne Gilman is 1/4 Smurf! (Show us the birth certificate!) Marie Brennan wants to cast Carrot Top as the new Superman! Saladin Ahmed prefers odd-numbered Trek films! Cat Rambo greenlit another Garfield movie! Pat Rothfuss is the host body for a superintelligent alien beard. Nnedi Okorafor keeps the petrified head of H. P. Lovecraft for a trophy!
	That’s the World Fantasy Award. Just stop before you embarrass us further.
	Do you realize what we could do with a Best Fan Writer rocketship? Imagine flying that golden rocket to the moon. We could establish the first goblin colony in space!
	…
	Golaka can create new recipes for moon cheese and if anyone gives us any crap we’ll drop moon rocks on their heads! The only way for goblins to finally live in peace is to WIN ALL THE ROCKETSHIPS!
	They’re trophies! The rockets are thirteen inches high! You thought they were handing out real rockets? How exactly did you think John Scalzi was keeping his on a shelf?
	I … I just thought it was a really big shelf.

And now I want to win a Hugo so I can use my goblin miniatures to depict their efforts to reach the moon. I could even create a goblin miniatures vs. LEGO minifigs showdown…

If you’ve read something this year that you feel is award-worthy, please feel free to leave your recommendation(s) in the comments!

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

It’s been a pretty good week so far!

• Yesterday, I finished and submitted LIBRIOMANCER to my editor. One day ahead of my deadline, no less! There will be at least one more round of revision once she’s read it, but for now, it’s DONE!!! It came in at just over 100,000 words, and they’re all PERFECT (except for one spot where I wrote Timon instead of Pumbaa.)
• As if to mark the occasion, my agent e-mailed yesterday to let me know we had sold rights to the first two Princess books to Turkey. Woo hoo!
• I have an essay called “Writing About Rape” in the latest issue of Apex Magazine.
• LIBRIOMANCER bookmarks arrived yesterday, and they look great. I shall commence handing them out at ConFusion, and will probably be offering/asking to mail some out to folks as we get closer to the release date.
• I got an e-mail yesterday with a picture of STEPSISTER SCHEME on the shelf at a college bookstore, where it’s listed as a required text for a class. That’s pretty darn cool!

It’s strange to be done, to not know what I have to work on during my lunch break today. Should I start planning book two, or should I dive into that short story that’s due in a few months? I don’t know. I could do either one if I wanted to! Whoa … I don’t know how to handle that kind of freedom!

The past few months have been pretty hectic, and I want to say publicly how much I appreciate all of the support and understanding my wife and kids have given me. Hopefully I’ll be able to pay some of that back now.

As for the book … well, you’ll be able to decide for yourself in August whether all of that time and work paid off, but personally, I think it’s pretty darn awesome, and I hope you will too.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Shadow Ops: Control Point [Amazon | B&N | Mysterious Galaxy] is a military fantasy from Myke Cole. Myke has experience both with fantasy (I first encountered him online when he was reading submissions for Weird Tales) and the military (three tours in Iraq - I recommend reading his thoughts on the end of the Iraq war). So it’s no surprise that his debut novel has a lot going for it.

The book is set in a world where magic has returned, leading to all kinds of messiness. Oscar Britton is a lieutenant attached to the Supernatural Operations Corps, a military unit which helps to neutralize rogue magic users. But then, after a particularly intense mission, Britton manifests magic of his own. He creates a magical gate to another dimension. Unfortunately, this particular school of magic is, how should I put this … it’s “prohibited with extreme prejudice.”

So Britton makes a run for it. According to U.S. law, he’s earned himself a death sentence. Instead, the military tracks him down and offers him another choice: join a unit that doesn’t officially exist, and join the real fight against magical threats.

This is not a warm and fuzzy book. It’s fast-paced, intense, and at times brutal. Britton is a flawed protagonist, and he makes his share of serious mistakes. While I occasionally wanted to yell, “Dude, WTF are you doing?” I could also understand why he made the choices he did. He’s a good, conflicted character.

Actually, “conflicted” is a good word for the book as a whole. Nothing is simple; there are no straightforward right or wrong answers. Cole does a good job of presenting the messiness of a world where a teenager could wake up one day with the power to massacre an police force, and the costs of trying to protect people in such a world.

This is an ambitious, thoughtful, and at times brutal book. It’s got a different feel than most of the fantasy I’ve read lately, and I’m glad my agent was able to hook me up with a review copy.

But the MOST IMPORTANT thing here is that the book has goblins, and they’re pretty damn awesome.

Shadow Ops: Control Point comes out on January 31.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

My family is still in holiday mode, and I’m a week and a half from my deadline for Libriomancer, so I’m going to fall back on the clip show of blogging and share some of my most-visited blog posts from the past year.

It was either that or write “I got a sonic screwdriver for Christmas” to the tune of “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas,” and I didn’t have time for that because I was too busy zapping things with my new sonic screwdriver!

10. Writing: A Reality Check

I did eleven comics this year, which is more than I realized. This was my first comic of 2011, and includes such brilliant, powerful dialogue as “OMG I want to have all the babies and name them after you!”

9. The Write Agenda vs. Writer Beware

The Write Agenda is “a group of individuals, writers, want-to-be authors and inquisitive wordsmiths that have become ‘literally’ numb from reading the numerous author help related blog posts.” This group provides invaluable information on that time Victoria Strauss used the f-word on her Facebook page. This site should be required reading for pretty much anyone hoping to be a bottom-feeding douchebag.

8. Reporting Sexual Harassment in SF/F Circles (A resource list)

I want to make it as clear as I can that if you’ve been sexually harassed, it’s your choice whether or not to report that harassment. It’s not an easy choice, and nobody can guarantee the outcome. But I can tell you that if someone has harassed you, it’s 99% certain that he (or she) has done it to others. You’re not alone.

7. Wicked Pretty Things

Jessica Verday withdrew her story from the Wicked Pretty Things anthology after receiving a note from the editor which stated that her story “would have to be published as a male/female story because a male/male story would not be acceptable to the publishers.”

6. Jane C. Hines 

Jane C. Hines’ first fantasy novel, Goblin Quest, came out in 2006 from DAW. She sold two more goblin books, then published a series about three kick-ass fairy tale princesses. She’s currently writing the third draft of a modern fantasy book called Libriomancer. She also maintains a moderately popular blog. But while she and I have had parallel careers, the results haven’t matched up exactly…

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

If you don’t know what slash is, then this might not be the holiday carol for you…

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Have Yourself a Slashy Little Christmas
by Jim C. Hines

Have yourself a slashy little Christmas.
Let your fandoms play.
Give She-Ra
And Xena one romantic day.

Have yourself a slashy little Christmas.
Throw canon aside.
Give Harry
And Draco one last “broomstick ride.”

Pair Magneto with Wolverine,
Xavier and Mister Clean.
Friends and foes who are so much more,
Time to let them all explore.

Kirk and Spock,
Or Optimus and Starscream.
Make your pairings hot.
Give old Smaug some sexytimes with Tiamat.
And have yourself some slashy little Christmas plots.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

I’ve dropped the price on both of my e-book collections at Amazon and B&N. (The price at iBooks and Kobo should be following shortly.)

Kitemaster and Other Stories [Amazon | B&N], which collects six of my lighter short stories and includes a preview of Libriomancer, is now $2.99.

And for the next two weeks, Goblin Tales [Amazon | B&N] is only ninety-nine cents.

From a business perspective, I’ll be fascinated to see how this plays out. I submitted the price change over the weekend. What fascinates me is that after Goblin Tales dropped to $.99, sales quickly jumped, despite the fact that I hadn’t yet announced the change. I had only sold 7 copies on Amazon this month. In the past 24 hours, that’s doubled to 14 copies. Not a huge number, I know, but interesting…

My bookstore page includes purchase links to various sites. I know that readers outside of the U.S. probably won’t see the same pricing, due to VAT and other issues. If the books are overpriced or unavailable in your area, please contact me directly and we can work something out via PayPal.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.