You’ll Probably Ignore Me Because I’m An Evil Straight White Dude, But…

[jimhines]

Dear Internets,

Please do me a favor. If you ever find yourself speaking or typing words like the ones above? Shut up and walk away.

Cat Valente wrote a powerful post about Gender and the Fallout Over Christopher Priest, comparing the responses Priest received with the much more vicious, hateful threats and attacks women receive for similar posts.

Naturally, one of the commenters jumped in with, “I’ll probably get vilified for saying this, but I’m a guy…” Just in case you missed the point, he added, “Unfortunately, I’m a guy, and so far as I can tell, therefore I’m evil.”

I’ve seen this preemptive crap a lot lately. Look dude - it’s not that you’re a guy. It’s not that you’re white or straight or whatever. It’s that you’re being an dumbass and a coward.

A dumbass because nobody is saying anything about guys all being evil! Go read Valente’s post and show me where she says men are evil. Show me where anyone in the comments says it. Take your time, I’ve got all day. Nobody said it, nobody suggested it, and if you really believe that’s what’s going on, then I have very little hope for you, but I’d be happy to recommend some remedial reading courses.

A coward because in most cases, I suspect you know perfectly well that nobody’s saying that. You don’t actually believe Valente is suggesting all men are evil. You’re saying it to protect your ego. Because by preemptively writing crap like, “I know you’re all going to dogpile me for being male,” you’ve given yourself an excuse. Everyone who points out that your argument is full of crap isn’t doing it because you’re an ignorant, misinformed, condescending jackass. They’re just doing it because you’re a guy.

Bullshit.

Let me break it down as simply as possible.

1) Blogger writes a post pointing out the inequality in how men and women are treated online. She gives multiple examples of women who receive threats of rape and death, where men receive far less viciousness.

2) Random dude reads this post and immediately feels defensive and attacked as a man.

Why is that, I wonder? Is it because harassing and abusing women is, in your opinion, part of being a man? Is it because you’ve personally done things like this and you dislike being called on it? What is it that makes you read this as a personal attack on your gender?

Because you know what? If you haven’t done these things, then it’s not about you! And if you have, then it’s not about you being a guy; it’s about you being an asshole.

Like I said, it’s not just one commenter. It’s one person after another pulling out this same rhetorical garbage, and it’s tiresome.

Enough from me. Go read Valente’s post, if you haven’t already. I’d also recommend Seanan McGuire’s follow-up thoughts about gender and literature.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Comments

[azurelunatic]

I think the actual reasoning may be sometimes closer to "Holding shallow prejudices like that is evil. I don't think I'm evil. I have a high regard for my personal integrity, and I don't like taking actions that I can't stand behind. I can't recall off the top of my head any actions I've taken lately that I don't stand behind. If I did something like this without noticing it, I must have had a reason for it. I will stand behind that reason and defend it, because my integrity will be damaged if I did something indefensible. I can't have done something indefensible! I'm a good guy! BUT APPARENTLY YOU THINK I AM EVIL, BECAUSE YOU ARE GENERALIZING THAT STRAIGHT WHITE GUYS ALL DO THIS THING, AND PEOPLE WHO DO EVIL ARE EVIL. THEREFORE I MUST BE EVIL. FUCK YOU."

This is not a good position to take.

Someone who has been marinating in a culture saturated with shallow prejudices is going to pick some of them up unconsciously, and hold them without evil intent, and act based on them, still without evil intent. Generally it's difficult to pick up on "Oh dear, I seem to be harboring a prejudice or double standard" on one's own without it being pointed out. There is sometimes shit-all someone can do about their past actions -- regret does not un-say something asstastic, and the AA-esque seeking-out-of-people-who-one-has-wronged-in-the-past-to-press-apologies-upon-them skeeves me the *fuck* out when it's anything below a certain level of epic wrongness. The best one can do is roll with the blow to one's sense of integrity and proceed the fuck forward, both avoiding further personal fuckups in that fashion, and also acting as an ally when the opportunity comes up.

It does not actually serve someone's integrity well to claim that because their motives were pure, that their actions are free from reproach. Integrity is much better served by "I don't think I'm evil, so thank you for giving me something to think about and something else to be vigilant for lest my actions serve my intent poorly".

[al_zorra]

The hypocrisy of some of the commentators on those posts is beyond belief.

I too have been kicked to the curb on the site run by two famous editors in the field for suggesting that some Very Popular SF/F novels, series, comix and games are filled with humiliation, torture and graphic rape of women far beyond any plot requirement. The admin melted down and publicly lost it, screaming that she knew I had an agenda and she knew what it was -- thereby also breaking her first rule for everybody else, that never ever are you to tell anyone what they are thinking. What I was doing was informing the group -- on a thread about this that she herself started -- what people like those you linked to, and those others linked to, too. But I was screamed at for being disrespectful of both women and men. None of it made any sense, of course, but as I said, the admin publicly lost her sh*t, while forever stating that hers doesn't stink.

This hypocrisy and power play by those who perceive themselves and are perceived by others as more powerful is everywhere and so many of us are worn out by it.

[legionseagle]

Depressingly, the random dude you mentioned wasn't the worst example over there of commentators proving Ms Valente's point even more effectively than she had done (which was impressive). The one who stated that her social commentary had been "validated" because scalzi had linked to it depressed me the most.

[azurelunatic]

That one had me ready to yell. It was amazing.

[legionseagle]

I may have bitten my glasses earpiece at that point. And when he said

In other words, I think I grew up in a much less sexist milieu than most people, with the result that I don't always see modes and consequences of discrimination that are more obvious to other people with less (yes) privileged upbringing. Occasionally I misstep

I boggled so far off my mounts that I suspect I'll be in the workshop for weeks, being re-balanced.

But they all came out and did it; from "I didn't say that you misquoted me" and "X so deserved to be called a rabid animal" and "It's not true to say this doesn't happen to men - listen to this single anecdote about something not in the least the same that happened to a man and admit you're wrong!" - God it was depressing. And the comments are still racking up over there.

[azurelunatic]

I am reminded of Seanan's tale of the machete squad member who read Toby and commented on what a cast-iron flaming bitch she was, and how that was bad. At which point Seanan deployed some variant of the Death Glare, and suggested that this person go and do a close reading of some Dresden Files books, and see anywhere that Toby was being more cranky than Harry. Happily, this machete squad member came back enlightened as to how they had in fact been using *gasp* a double standard, which is sexist.