I don't know you well, but I empathize so much with the feeling of 'am I doing this wrong'?

I was basically incapable of crying when my father died. I wanted to, so badly, but it just... wouldn't come. For weeks. It did eventually, but that was awful.

When my great-grandmother died, I couldn't stop crying. And that was awful too.

There's no right grieving. There's just grief.