jimhines

And now for something completely different…

Oh Zombie Tree
by Jim C. Hines

Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
How hungry are your branches!
I hear the screams of lumberjacks
Who tried to slay you with an axe.
Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
How hungry are your branches!

Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
You are the tree most feared.
If ever we venture outside,
We’ll take chainsaws and herbicide.
Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
You are the tree most feared.

Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
Your needles brown and piercing.
Your roots creep through our flesh and brains.
You’re fertilized with our remains.
Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree,
Your needles brown and piercing.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Tags:

zombie rhymes

Hey Daddle Daddle
by Jim C. Hines

Hey daddle daddle, the cat went to battle
the werecow beneath the moon.
The zombie dog drooled to see such flesh,
and ate the cat’s brain with a spoon.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Tags:

zombie rhymes

Jack Sprat
by Jim C. Hines

Jack Sprat will drink your blood.
His wife will eat your flesh.
And so betwixt the two of them
They never leave a mess.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Tags:

zombie rhymes

Old Jane Horner
by Jim C. Hines

Old Jane Horner
went to the coroner
to fetch her dead dog some brains.

But when she got there
the slabs were all bare
and so the dead dog had Jane’s.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Tags:

zombie rhymes

Zombie Miss Muffet
by Jim C. Hines

Little Miss Muffet
sat on a tuffet
eating her old friend Trey.

Along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and squish – she had spider paté.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Tags:

zombie rhymes

Three Dead Mice
by Jim C. Hines

Three dead mice.
Three dead mice.
Hear how they moan.
Hear how they moan.
They all chased after a bloke named Pat.
He caved in their skulls with a cricket bat.
If only he’d noticed that undead rat
behind the mice
who nipped him twice.

—
If any of my artistically inclined readers are interested in doing sketches to go with these, please let me know. No pay or anything like that — it’s all for the sheer, morbid fun.